Embracing Fear of Failure

We all dread failing. Growing up, my whole life, and to some extent my survival, depended on succeeding in one way or the other. I learned at a very young age that my parents, as much as they loved me, didn’t have the financial capabilities to support my aspirations. As a result, I had to depend on others; my peers, teachers, church members, for instant gratification.

Whenever I was top of the class in elementary through high school, I had two different presents. At home, I’d try and explain to my parents and if they had the money, they’ll buy me something. But that didn’t happen often. At school, however, I was adored. My teachers will lavish praises on me, buy me stuff, and use me as an example to advise my peers. My friends will share their food with me and always select me on their soccer teams as a way of recognizing my efforts. What I didn’t realize until later was that I was learning to prove to them, not to myself, that I could do it. I was the poor kid trying to prove to the rich kids that even though I didn’t have the same resources I was smarter, in order to earn their respect (and company). Ya, so, failing wasn’t an option.

It felt like I started college without knowing anything about myself. Success up until college has always been about good grades as it was my currency to external motivation and proving people wrong. It got so toxic that I’d complain over a 95% midterm score-why didn’t I do better? I began to learn that I was motivated for the wrong reasons. Getting As or Bs, or making the Dean’s list shouldn’t define success and would certainly not bring me ultimate happiness. But deep within I was running away from asking myself the real questions; who am I? What do I really want to become? Hell, I was afraid of even trying because I feared I will fail.

“Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear.” - Michelle Obama

I continue to learn that success comes from pursuing things you REALLY want to do, not because it makes your parents happy, or to prove to some people that you’re also smart. But I won’t get there until I try something new, be it a new hobby, an interesting class, anything. There’ll always be a fear of failure. Whether or not I succumb to it and back out for fear of failing is what makes the difference. After all, life is bigger than an academic transcript, and even if you fail, the earth won’t stop spinning.

William Yakah